Jamie – I needed to be clear that these aren’t merely trivial offenses, hence the kittens.

That, and we call our daughter “Bunny” some times (she was born around Easter). If I wrote about puking on fluffy bunnies, however much they have it coming, the image of Ani might pop into my head and make me feel guilty.

(found you via Chris @ Surviving Myself)

Please do not get all “Ann Romano” on me.

Silja told me that Number 2 on the list might sound a tad homophobic (she also disagrees with me on the whole some-people-are-completely-gay-or-straight thing). Totally not intended that way. I apologize if anybody else out there thought the same thing.

Only the gay people using that line to try to convince breeders to sleep with them make me want to puke on kittens. Not all of them by any means.

Furthermore, I reserve the right to mock, hate, hex, draw funny pictures of, and otherwise express my disappointment in certain people regardless of race, gender, age, sexual orientation, or Enterprise captain preference.

For instance, on any given day, I might be annoyed by a black guy, pissed off at an woman, feel like kicking a walker out from under an old man, want to shiv a lesbian, or tempted to shit all over someone who tries to convince me that Archer is in the same league as Kirk.

Oh, and don’t get me started on whitey.

But it won’t be simply because they’re black, female, old, gay, or so completely wrong about Captain Archer that I feel sick. Rest assured, they’ll have done something to incur my wrath.

Or they might just be from Florida. To Hell with America’s wang.

And the cyclists don’t annoy me too much. I know some are tarded, but I haven’t had any direct contact, so I’m cool.

Mickey – Portland’s great, other than the people. And, technically, I live across the border in Washington state, so I’m not really throwing my peeps under the bus. I just take their jobs and make off with the booty, which I spend over on my side of the border where housing prices are lower, we don’t have a state income tax, and we have better schools.

Chris – I know! This guy’s living proof that the Lex Luthor criminal mastermind just doesn’t exist in real life. Or at least that he’s smart enough not to get popped for shoplifting after one of his diabolical schemes.

Hahaha

what a fucking idiot.

Nothing like slagging off your whole city to make yourself feel better. But I keep hearing that Portland is one of the best cities in America to live in! Don’t pop that bubble, man. All those hipsters are clinging to it for dear life.

Speaking of special people, remind me to share my whole get-off-I-5-at-Delta-Park-then-get-right-back-on method of bypassing that traffic jam. It’s special.

And how the hell did Portland cyclists not make this list?