Shhh.
Don’t tell anybody, but sometimes? When I’m at work? I’m not actually working. Because not working at work makes work soooo much more tolerable. Having a job that doesn’t actually involve work? Like acting or writing or prostitution? That would totally kick ass.
So while I wasn’t working yesterday, during my reintroduction to coffee, I ended up over on the AFI website, looking at one of their little lists. Because I LOVE not having to think about anything. Just give me a list and I know what I’m supposed to do. NEVER deviate from the lists.
Except their 100 Best Movie Quotes one. That one, they fucked up.
Not only did they not list the true Greatest Movie Line EVER in the number one position, but they completely snubbed it. Wasn’t even on their list of 400 nominees. Stupid, stupid people.
The line? Like you didn’t already know:
LUKE SKYWALKER
But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!
Oh, wait… That’s number one on the Gayest Lines That Nearly Ruined the Best Movie Franchise Twenty-Two Years Before Jar Jar, Hayden Christensen, and the Piece of Plywood Painted to Look Like Natalie Portman Fucked It All Up list. My mistake.
Ok, the REAL Best Line Ever that didn’t even make their stupid list? Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven:
LITTLE BILL
You’d be William Munny out of Missouri. Killer of women and children.
WILL MUNNY
That’s right. I’ve killed women and children. I’ve killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another. And I’m here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned.
So I’m going to assume that you’ve all seen Unforgiven numerous times, and that I don’t have to remind you that this is the scene at the saloon toward the end of the movie where, after they beat the shit out of Munny and posted Ned’s (Morgan Freeman) body outside the saloon as a warning to other would-be bounty hunters, Clint finally gets his bad ass on and confronts Little Bill (Gene Hackman).
If you haven’t seen it? Go out and watch it within the next week, or don’t bother coming back. You’re no minion of mine.
And it doesn’t matter if you don’t like Westerns. This is one of those films that transcends genre. Yeah, it happens to take place in the Wild West, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. It’s certainly not the clear cut John Wayne white hat/black hat story your pappy used to watch. It’s more like the other cheery fare Clint’s given us since (think Mystic River and Million Dollar Baby, not Space Cowboys).
As for the line itself, it’s SOOO much more effective when you read it aloud in your best Clint Eastwood voice, throwing in JamesTKirkian pauses throughout. And imagine you just shot the owner of the bar for decorating it with your pal, with your back to the lightning and downpour goin’ down just beyond the swinging saloon doors.
Also helps if you can run the line with Gene Hackman, something that was much easier to do before he starting shilling lawn mowers and shower massagers for Lowe’s. Now he’s apparently too busy counting his dirty money to help a stalker fan out. Jerk.
