neverbeencool

Going for “extremely annoyed, bordering on angry” here and, thanks to two years of high school drama, I obviously pull it off smashingly. Not since I made the role of Polonius mine for the ages back in ‘92 has the world seen such acting skill. Bravo, Justin. Bravo.

I’m sure many of you are wondering how you, too, can give such a convincing performance. How can a man possibly convey such raw emotion, tearing at the very souls of those lucky enough to witness my greatness? Does it take years of study? A steady diet of roughage? Sacrifices to the Dark Lords?

Certainly, all three will help. But I won’t lie. For a miserable peon barely worthy of this blog such as yourself, the road is difficult. There is, however, one thing that really, truly helps. The best way to project anger and annoyance? To actually be fucking angry and annoyed.

Yes, I am extremely annoyed, bordering on angry. And not just because of that shitty haircut I got the other day (seriously, what the fuck did they do to my head?). No. I’m annoyed because I’m here at the office again, on a Sunday, sitting in the dark because I don’t know how to turn the fucking lights on and trying to knock out a few things I can’t do during regular working hours.

This is certainly one of the downside of being a non-practicing atheist Jedi agnostic. A lot of religious-types wouldn’t be willing to work today, at least not those who recognize the Sabbath.

I recognized the Sabbath the other day. Saw it walking down the street. Kind of an awkward encounter, truth be told.

OUR HERO
Sabbath? Is that you? I thought I recognized you! Man, it’s been years…

SABBATH
Oh… Hey… um, you!

OUR HERO
Justin. It’s, uh, Justin… We used to hang out together? Well, before that time in second grade when I renounced all regions, anyway. Man, I’m sorry. I know people must recognize you all the time. This must be kinda weird…

SABBATH
That’s it… Justin… Of course. How’ve you been? Where’s that funny hat you used to wear? You still have that thing?

OUR HERO
Um, sorry. I… I think you’re thinking about the Pope…

SABBATH
Oh, right… Sorry about that. It’s just that that ugly ass haircut you’ve got there reminded me of that hat. You know, ’cause I wouldn’t be caught dead in either.

OUR HERO
…

SABBATH
Listen, it’s been GREAT catching up, but I’m really running late for this thing. But we’ll totally stay in touch now, ‘k? So, Dude, I’ll totally call you sometime and we’ll get some schnitzel. See ya around.

See, that’s why I don’t recognize the Sabbath any longer. Because he’s a dick.