neverbeencool

Yes, I’m still in Texas. And yes, it’s still hot as fuck.

Really, I could deal with all the other things about Texas if I absolutely had to move here, but oy vey! The heat!

By the way, this was going to be the ass-kickingest post of all time… then I accidentally deleted all my notes from my Blackberry. I blame the heat. Fries my wee little brain. I’ve developed a simple formula that just might help you understand the relationship:

Justin + Heat = Tard

So instead of my Tolstoyian epic that was set to completely fuck your mind, you just get this crap. Sorry.

I had dinner at a steakhouse tonight recommended by some of my local coworkers. Totally disappointing. I had these lofty expectations of a gen-u-ine Texas slab of beef, something that would melt in my mouth and satisfy my hunger while by-the-power-of-grayskulling me into some sort of man-beast. Haven’t been this disappointed in an eating experience since my Italian food in Rome.

Ok, so it was the one in Georgia, not Rome Rome. Whatever. The lasagna still sucked and I got stuck with the worst, most annoyingly apologetic waiter ever. He should have been fed to the lions, regardless of which Rome he was in.

So the mission for tomorrow is to find some good barbecue. The coworkers told me that all the BBQ joints are in “the bad part of town,” which I’m sure was code for “where the dark people live.” Unfortunately, nobody wanted to tell me exactly where that is, so I’ll just have to drive around downtown Lufkin tomorrow shouting “Yo, where all the black people at?” to random cowboys. Just imagine the Bizarro version of this:

That’s not to say I think all the people down here are racists. In fact, I’ve actually seen an Obama bumper sticker on one big ol’ 4×4 and an Obama sign on a lawn (in the good part of town, even), but not a glimpse of any rah-rah McCain propaganda. If that keeps up, I may just be able to forgive Texas for Dubya.

Maybe.

Some day.

After my Alzheimer’s kicks in.