neverbeencool

And here’s the commercial that inspired this whole thing:

Really, you could go with any of the Mike’s Hard Lemonade commercials in this campaign, but there’s something about this particular one that really gets the vomit flowing.

You make LEMONADE, for fuck’s sake. You could make fifty of these commercials showing assholes picking on chubby nerds and still never make up for the fact that you make a beverage designed for pussies. ‘Hard,’ my ass.

The only men who buy ‘hard’ alcoholic beverages (lemonade, cider, etc.) do so solely for the purpose of getting high school/college girls drunk. That’s it. No Man will ever buy this shit for himself.

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe I’m not giving the Mike’s people enough credit. After all, the fat guys in this commercial who “don’t do soy?” They’re the grownup versions of the guys who kept the Boone’s and Seagrams people in business in the ’80s getting underaged girls shit-faced. They must know a thing or two about the frat boy/date-rapist demographic Mike’s is seeking out.