Had to go to the doctor this morning. About 18 months ago, they tested my cholesterol and found that I had enough in my body to kill an army of horses.
If the horses came in armies, that is. I don’t think horses are smart enough to form armies. Maybe small gatherings, sure, or the odd posse, but armies? Hardly.
Anyway. It was high back then. Don’t want to bore anybody with numbers, but the total count came in at 287 mg/dL. If you’re anything like me, you have no idea what that means. Thankfully, the American Heart Association apparently knows something about it. Their website says…
People who have a total cholesterol level of 240 mg/dL or more typically have twice the risk of coronary heart disease as people whose cholesterol level is desirable (200 mg/dL).
Hmm. “Coronary heart disease?” Doesn’t sound pleasant. Slightly more irritating than a paper cut or badly stubbed toe, I’d wager.
I finally got around to making that followup appointment last week, the one I was supposed to have three months after the initial test, and headed over to the clinic this morning. And four hours later, I’m still pissed.
My appointment was scheduled for 9 in the AM this morning, and I dutifully arrived 15 minutes early to check in and update my insurance information. No problem. Place was pretty much empty at that point and they had me updated and took my $20 copay within a few minutes. Figured at that point that I should be in to see the doctor by no later than 9:15 and be on the road to the office by 9:30ish.
So 9 o’clock came and went. Then 9:15. And 9:30. Meanwhile, I see at least a dozen other patients arrive later than me, see a doctor, and walk out the door. All without appointments.
At 9:45, one hour after I’d arrived and 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment, I went up to the desk to ask what the fuck was taking so long. The girl, the same one who checked me in and took my copay, looked at me like she’d never seen me before then walked to the back to find out. Couple minutes later, she returned to tell me “Oops, sorry! My bad!”
Apparently, though she remembered to update my chart and take my money, she figured clicking that one extra box that officially checked me in wasn’t really necessary, so the doctor and nurses didn’t know I was there to call back. Would have waited all day if I didn’t get so fucking bored playing BrickBreaker in the waiting room and asked what was going on.
Nice. And this on the day when I really should have skipped the appointment altogether because shit at the office broke over the weekend and several people weren’t able to do their jobs because I was WAITING FOREVER AT THE FUCKING DOCTOR’S OFFICE. Amazing to me that the blood pressure-taker-thingie didn’t explode when they finally called me back and strapped me in.
Worst part was watching all those people come and go before me, the ones who just popped in to their same-day office and didn’t make the mistake of scheduling something ahead of time. I heard once that one of the excuses insurance companies use to justify our ginormous premiums is the fact that so many people use ER and urgent care services inappropriately, that we tend to go to the emergency room for conditions that could easily wait for normal office hours even though those same services cost 3-4 times as much when performed in the ER.
And why shouldn’t they? Shit, I’ll probably just go to the same-day/urgent care office next time I need something instead of making an “appointment.”
Let’s see. I can either be a Good Boy, make an appointment, then sit in a waiting room with 10 sickos for an hour, contracting whatever crap they brought with them…
Or I can pop in when it’s convenient for me, pay the same copay, and walk out with a prescription 15 minutes later. Hmm…
Maybe that’s the plan? Make you sit for an hour next to that hacking Typhoid Mary in hopes that you’ll come down with the same crap she brought in. Then you’ll have to come back for another visit in the near future, one that they can rape the insurance company over (who will, of course, ream you later). Really, it’s just a brilliant business move.
Of course, the biggest problem with this shit is that they’ve got you by the balls (literally, if it’s physical-time). If Blind Onion makes me wait an extra hour for my extra large meat fest pizza, they’ll comp me the next one before I even get a chance to bitch and threaten to take my business to Round Table. Not going to happen at the clinic. I can’t complain to a manager and get half-off my next colonoscopy. Instead, if I complain too much, they’ll “accidentally” have a hard time finding my vein when they need that blood sample. I’m just fucked.
Oh, and the clincher? I have to go back in tomorrow. They didn’t tell me not to eat anything before going in this morning, so I have to head back in the morning on an empty stomach.
Say what you want about the faith-healing types, by I bet they don’t have to put up with this shit. I’m totally ready to sign up.
