neverbeencool

Sometimes it’s difficult, being this ruggedly hard-core and manly.  Not many people could do it.  Hell, sometimes I wonder how I’m able to carry the banner of manliness like I do.

Hell, if I wasn’t so manly, I’d probably break down.  It’s my burden.  It’s like Uncle Ben said, “With great testosterone comes great responsibility.” Or whatever.

This weekend was about as manly as they come.  And it all started with one singular sensa…asdlkfhasdfjhasdfuckingchrist!!!  Oh, good fucking God.

Ok, rewind a little.  A few months back, the Mrs. and I bought 2008-09 season tickets to the Broadway Across America series.  We had a lot of fun seeing a few other shows over the past year (Chicago, Spamalot, Avenue Q) so we figured season tickets would give us a great excuse to start having regular Adult/Date Nights.  Friday night, we kicked off the Super Ultra Mega Manly Weekend with the first show of the season:  A Chorus Line.

In all honesty, I wasn’t all that excited about this one.  All I knew about A Chorus Line was that it won something like 847 Tony Awards (good) and that Liza Minelli was in a movie version (bad… and also completely untrue.  I was confusing it with Cabaret.).

As it turns out, the show was, in super ultra mega manly terms, delightful, bordering on FABulous.   Even considering the fact that it was about 189 degrees in the theater and the guy sitting next to me thought he was not only entitled to complete and total dominance of our shared armrest but could also stick his elbow about half a foot into Independent Justin Airspace, I had a great time.  Good performance, great dancing…

But that song.

Good fucking God, you can’t watch that fucking show without singing “One…  singular sensation…  every little step he takes…” to yourself for the rest of your life.  I’m half tempted to reenact that drill scene from the end of Pi to cure myself of that catchy fucking song.

And I just found out from the official A Chorus Line website that Mario Lopez will be hey-mommaing himself through one of the most well-known musicals of all time.  I’m betting he was all worried about appearing unmanly (you know hows those Latinos with their machismo and all), but once he caught wind of the fact that *I* was going to see a production he knew his manly street cred would remain intact…  nay, be enhanced…  by associating himself with musical theater.

After the show, the weekend just got more and more manly as it progressed.

I went to the driving range and beat balls with sticks.  Of course, I had to call it quits shortly after sustaining this horrific and possibly career ending injury:

That shit could get infected or something.

I managed to bite back the tears (in a very manly way) before handing my balls over to the kid in the stall next to me.  Huh…  wonder if I could possibly make that sentence sound any more gay?

Then I went home and got my bitch-ass in the kitchen to bake some very manly banana/chocolate chip/walnut bread:

Baking is très manly.

If only I’d had the time to take up knitting, my manly weekend would have been complete.