Consider yourself warned. I saw the new Star Trek movie last night and have been having a complete nerdgasm ever since. In fact, this here post will be nothing but a big fat dork blabbing on and on about the new flick. Spoilers aplenty after the jump.
First off… O…M…F…G.
LOVED it. Really was scared that I wouldn’t, in all honesty. I grew up watching TOS reruns on KPTV as a kid. One of my prized possessions as a pre-K lad was a Captain Kirk cup. And I still think that the original series was the best of them all.
Suffice it to say, I was more than a little weary when I heard that JJ Abrams was going to fuck with my childhood memories.
But you know what? Mr. Abrams knocked it out of the park.
Sure, the movie isn’t flawless. In fact, when I sit back with my nerd hat on I can find plenty of nits to pick (I’ll share those a little later). But good things about the movie were plenty good enough to overshadow the bad.
Ok, so the things I really liked:
- The opening sequence.
I don’t mind admitting that I got a little teary when Kirk the Elder heroically rams the USS Kelvin into the Romulans just after hearing the first cries of the son he’ll never see over the comm link.The action itself was a little fast-cutty for me, but the emotional aspect made me overlook it. I really didn’t want to, either. In fact, I rolled my eyes when they first showed Mrs. Kirk being wheeled off the turbolift. But the exchange between the two of them and the heroic ending for Papa Kirk made up for it.
- The principal actors.
Wow. Ok, if there isn’t an Academy Award for casting, let’s go ahead and just make one up now. April Webster and Alyssa Weisberg, congratulations. You’re the first winners of the Neverbeencooly for Casting.
Chris Pine as James Tiberius Kirk? A+. Zachary Quinto as Spock? A. Bruce Greenwood as Christopher Pike? A+. Simon Pegg as Scotty? A++++ (though docked a few pluses due to lack of screen time).
Seriously, down the line, these people do their respective roles justice. And again, this is coming from someone who used to be able to identify a TOS episode by plot and, often, name within about 13 seconds of flipping it on.
- Karl Urban.
I know, I already mentioned the principal actors above, but I have to give special props to Karl Urban. He fucking channels DeForest Kelly in a way I didn’t think possible. The moment he steps onto the shuttle and starts complaining about space travel, you know this man IS Leonard McCoy.
And OMG, I just looked up Karl Urban on IMDB and had no fucking clue this was the same guy who played one of my favorite roles in the Lord of the Rings trilogy:
There's a slight chance I might be developing a man-crush on Karl Urban.
- The Nerd Nods
I really didn’t want to like these, either, but I found myself chuckling every time.
- When McCoy screams “Damn it, I’m a doctor not a…” and “Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!” I laughed.
- When Scotty yells over the comm that “I’m givin’ her all she’s got, Captain!” I laughed.
- When Quinto pulled the signature Nimoy/Spock moves, I chuckled.
- When I noticed the Red Shirt in the shuttle with Kirk and Sulu, I smiled knowing exactly what fate had in store for him.
- Oh, and the fact that the scenes on Vulcan were almost certainly shot at Vasquez Rocks, the backdrop for several TOS episodes, made my day (haven’t confirmed this, though).
I ate it all up.
- The Kobayashi Maru
Technically I suppose you could call this a Nerd Nod, but like Urban’s McCoy, this sequence was good enough to deserve its own listing.When I was a kid, one of my favorite parts of my favorite Star Trek movie (Wrath of Khan, duh) was the opening sequence with the Kobayashi Maru simulation. I loved the whole idea, and I loved that Kirk was the only cadet ever to have beaten the no-win scenario (something he admits later in the movie he did by cheating).
So now Abrams shows us what happened, and the scene is brilliant. Pine’s Kirk is hilariously smug as he nonchalantly munches on his apple, lazily giving orders while his fellow cadets look on in wonder (reminiscent, again, of Shatner’s Kirk munching down in the Genesis cave in ST II and telling the original story). Everything about the scene is brilliant.
I could go on, but I wanted to get to the shit that annoyed me before this post got completely out of hand.
- The Plot
The story itself was actually pretty weak. A lot happens, but it’s just sorta blown over. I mean, for fuck’s sake, VULCAN WAS DESTROYED and quickly became an after thought. Thankfully, the charisma of the actors themselves makes up for it enough that you don’t really notice how weak the actual story is.
- The Villains
All the Romulans, Nero on down, are tools. This whole movie could have been shot without ever showing a single one of them. I didn’t care about them one way or another.
- The complete disregard for rank, age, etc.
Ok, this last one was my biggest issue going in and remains my biggest nerd pet peeve after.
So Kirk finishes the 4-year Star Fleet curriculum in three years. Fine, I get that. But at graduation, Mr. Kirk should have been a very lowly ensign. Meanwhile, they’re referring to various other characters with much higher ranks. Spock is already a commander, Uhura is a lieutenant, etc. Fuck, when Kirk steps on the Enterprise for the first time, he’s technically still on academic probation and hasn’t even earned his commission yet.
Somehow, though, Pike decides to make Kirk first officer under his absense? Hell, Uhura was already a lieutenant. She outranked Kirk by a ways.
Don’t understand that, either, by the way. If Uhura was already a lieutenant, what was she doing as a student at Star Fleet academy?
Worse yet, at the end of the movie, Kirk is not only promoted (straight to captain) but is given a command of his own? And that command is Star Fleets fancy new flagship? Have to throw the bullshit flag on that one.
I can buy that Kirk would’ve received a commendation. Shit, I can even buy that they would have promoted him straight to lieutenant. But to have him jump over every other officer in the fleet to get the primo command in the Federation after one little engagement? No way. Can’t suspend my nerdly disbelief THAT much.
Once again, though, this is all nitpicking. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and I’m looking forward to seeing what they’ll do with the franchise in the future. Whatever it is, I hope that every person involved with this first flick stays attached.
