neverbeencool

Squeak.
Stomp.
That’s all I hear today.
Squeak.
Stomp.
My right shoe is squeaking every time I take a step.
Squeak.
Stomp.
Started first thing this morning, soon as I stepped off the train.
Squeak.
Stomp.
Squeak.
Stomp.

Over on the east side of Vancouver, in the part of town that actually does fit the Vantuckey mental image that Portland hipsters have of this side of the river, there’s a pizza joint that wants you dead.
Don’t get me wrong, the folks at Juliano’s are nice enough.  Been there a few times and none [...]

Turns out the YOUCANHASCHEESEBURGER and the REDONKADONK are for pussies.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Fifth-Third Burger:
According to Ben’s Biz Blog (by way of Fark.com):
The “Fifth Third Burger” (so-called because the Whitecaps play in Fifth Third Ballpark) is 5/3 pounds of grilled hamburger topped with lettuce, tomato, nacho cheese, chili, salsa and crunched [...]

Let me just get something off my chest right off the bat:  I’ve never eaten SPAM®.  Nearly old enough to run for President of this great nation, and yet that I’ve never enjoyed even an itty bitty bite of it’s spiced hammy goodness.  That, my friends, will soon change.
See, this morning, my friend Aaron told [...]

Just ran across the creepiest, saddest, most uncomfortable Google AdSense ad I’ve ever seen:

I don’t know what Matt’s writing about these days that made Google’s algorithm think this one would hit home with his readers.
But, of course, I had to check it out.  And I regret it.  If you’re looking for an excuse to drink [...]